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Coping in a Fertile World
Tips for Handling Other People's Pregnancies
By Beth Hering
Natalie West, a 33-year-old from Vancouver, B.C., who has been trying to have a child for three years, notes that there have been times where everything set her off, and she cried a lot. "There was definitely a period there where all the images of everyone building a family so easily, without any real thought to it, really pissed me off," she says. "I'd avoid TV shows and movies that didn't depict things accurately, and I'd make snide remarks about how nobody seems to know anything about how babies are really conceived."
When you recognize what things stir up negative feelings, you can find better ways to cope. Events such as baby showers and children's birthday parties are often cited as difficult experiences that may best be skipped, but other measures can help too:
- Vacation at adult-centered locations.
- Stay away from G- and PG-rated movies packed with kids.
- Do holiday shopping online rather than frequently passing tots waiting for Santa.
Getting spouses on the same page also can be helpful. "You need to be clear about what you can and cannot handle," Mendell says. "This may mean one spouse attending an event alone or the two of you arriving at a Christmas celebration after the kids have opened their presents. The pint is to find ways to support one another and be sensitive to each other's triggers."
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