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Coping in a Fertile World

Tips for Handling Other People's Pregnancies

By Beth Hering

While the term Baby Boom commonly refers to the increase in births after World War II, a modern couple trying to conceive without any success may feel that the phrase is applicable to right now. Each week brings a new magazine cover with another celebrity showing the world her adorable new baby. Television commercials use families to sell everything from peanut butter to minivans, and movie previews tout upcoming films as special experiences to share with your child. Add to this the bulging belly of a co-worker, the jammed play area at the local mall and the stroller parade down sidewalks on a nice day, and it might seem that there is a pregnancy and family epidemic everywhere, except one place.

Being bombarded by unwanted reminders that a family is still just out of reach, couples struggling with infertility face another whammy: dealing with sadness, anger and jealousy over what they witness. While there is no magic answer that will erase all the pain, women who have gone through it and experts in the mental health industry have some helpful suggestions.

"The first thing I recommend is that people accept having these feelings instead of lambasting themselves for them," says Dr. Joann Paley Galst, a psychologist in private practice and co-director of support services for the American Fertility Association (AFA). She notes that most people (and women in particular) have these types of emotions as they are experiencing infertility.

Yet triggers can be different from person to person. "Some people are fine seeing pregnant women but have difficulty around babies; others are the exact opposite," says Patricia Mendell, licensed clinical social worker and co-chair of the AFA. Mendell notes that certain times of the year can also be tougher than others. "Holidays mark time passing, and that can be painful," she says. The last months of the year are also prime time for child-centered images and activities everywhere, from costume-clad trick-or-treaters to families gathered around a table.

Want to see more?

• What's Next?: Making Crucial Fertility Decisions
• Difficult Decisions: Adoption After Infertility
• Helping Hands: Groups That Navigate the Infertility Roller Coaster
• Check out our Article Library.
• Join the discussion on our Family.com community!

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