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A Positive Preconception

Battling Negative Thinking While Trying to Conceive

By Teri Brown

Trying to conceive is like riding a roller coaster that won't stop. It's not so much going up that gets you, it's the fall on the other side. Lara Fetting from North Ridgeville, Ohio, remembers all too well how difficult is was to stay positive during preconception. It took her only five months to conceive with her first child, but it took over a year with her second.

"Combating negative thinking is hard," she says. "I think the hardest part is ignoring negative people – like my male coworker who asked if my husband was shooting blanks – and trying not to get discouraged when everyone it seems gets pregnant or knows someone who got pregnant the first time they tried. And they all love to tell you about it. I found Web boards a good place to blow off steam and get encouragement. Hearing other people discuss the same frustrations helped a lot."

Dr. Andrea Mechanick Braverman, psychologist and director of psychological and complementary care for Reproductive Medicine Associates of New Jersey, believes it is very difficult to stay positive while trying to conceive. "It is very easy to get negative when trying to conceive," she says. "We all carry around our own beliefs about how easy it will be to get pregnant. Many of us believe that you simply stop birth control, and you instantly get pregnant. Contrast with the fact that the average woman only has a 20 to 25 percent chance to get pregnant – less if she's older – and many will be disappointed and maybe even a bit worried with their first try. For those having problems conceiving, there is the monthly cycle of disappointment and hope which can really wear you down."

Women often protect themselves from this preconception emotional roller coaster by anticipating the worst while they are trying to conceive. This can lead to a decreased desire to get pregnant and/or depression.

Want to see more?

• Coping with Preconception Worries: Strategies for Coping Until You Test
• It's Been a Year: Now What?
• What's Next?: Making Crucial Fertility Decisions
• Check out our Article Library.
• Talk about it!