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Home › Articles › Transracial Adoption › Racial Reactions

Racial Reactions

When Your Family Crosses
Color Lines

By Michele St. Martin

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Sometimes, however, there is a great ally among the family members, she says, and it is rare to see families who don't fall in love with a child. She also stresses the importance of giving ourselves and our families room to learn and grow. "If we had to be perfect by tomorrow, none of us would make it."

On the other hand, she says, "If family members won't accept the child, you have a decision to make. Once you have a child, your loyalty is to that child."

Ilene Watson says that she and her husband, Tom, had the usual concerns that every adoptive parent faces, including the reaction of immediate and extended family when they learned of the decision to adopt a newborn African-American boy.Watson found that patience and honesty were key when discussing their decision with family members.

"When we let them know we were adopting transracially, they had some concerns,"Watson says. "We had many heart-to-heart talks, and once they were able to discuss their concerns, they could see that this was a good idea for us." Happily, their family gave their unwavering support, and the Watsons also say their friends have always been extremely supportive.

Sometimes that support comes from unexpected quarters. After Mary Coyle and her husbandadopted their first child from Korea, they traveled toher parents' Midwestern home so her family could meet the child. Coyle's father announced that he would take the family to the local VFW for dinner. "I was very concerned about this because of all of the Korean War and Vietnam War vets that would be there," she says.Worry about possible comments that her father might not be prepared to handle plagued Coyle, but she was pleasantly surprised by the warm reaction. "Dad grabbed up Michael into his arms and announced that here was his new grandson, Michael John," she says. "I was so relieved that I nearly fainted!"

Handling Reactions from Strangers
Once transracial adoptive parents have the support of family and friends, it's still not always smooth sailing. Families who have adopted transracially often find themselves the center of unwanted attention, questions and remarks. Terry Jokinen says that when, after having three biological dughters, she and her husband adopted their first son from Korea they had to field many questions. "At that time, I was also learning about being an adoptive mother and felt it my duty to educate the public about this wonderful path we have chosen," she says. However, as Jokinen's son grew older and able to understand the questions from strangers, itbecame obvious that this was no longerappropriate. "I felt uneasy about these personal family questions, and our boundaries were being invaded," she says."I began to change my answers to more surface answers. I wanted to protect my son and our family's right to privacy."

Coyle is used to strangers asking about her family. Some people have asked if the Coyles' children, both adopted from Korea, are "really" brother and sister. Others wonder about the family composition. "In most situations, people are just curious when they see a family with two Caucasian parents and two Asian children," she says. "There are many stares and many questions. I usually feel generous enough to answer what I think may be a true question from a person who may even be thinking about adoption."

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