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The Preconception Pressure Cooker
When Family Interferes in Your Reproductive Life
By Marie-Helen Goyetche
How do you handle a persistent mother, especially when your spouse tells you, "If this continues, it's me or your mother"? Judy didn't have a chance to make that decision; Mike couldn't handle the pressure and left. It took a while for Judy to see the stress her mom put on her relationship with Mike.
"A spouse is absolutely right to say, 'It's me or your mother,'" Tessina says. "What is your mother doing in your relationship decisions anyway? Decisions about having children belong to you and your spouse. They should be private between you, with the exception of what you have agreed to tell your mother and anyone else. Again, you do not need your mother's approval. You'll enjoy your mother/daughter relationship a lot more if you put it into appropriate perspective."
- Find out what you want. Do you want children? If so, how many, and what do you expect from the relationship between you and your spouse?
- Know your inner feelings. Sit down with your spouse and tell how and what you feel. If you can't express it face-to-face, write a letter or make a tape. Get those feelings out in the open.
- Listen to your spouse's feelings and desires. It may not be what you want to hear, but try to understand without judging.
If both of you aree on the same ideas, discuss what you will tell others and take it from there.
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