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Home › Articles › Personal and Couple Time › The Preconception Pressure Cooker

The Preconception Pressure Cooker

When Family Interferes in Your Reproductive Life

By Marie-Helen Goyetche

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Maria and Bill continued their education and obtained demanding jobs. They had a house, two cars and a good life. However, Bill's mother believed they needed children. Ten years into the marriage, as they prepared to celebrate their wedding anniversary, Maria couldn't take her mother-in-law's constant comments about children any longer. She told her she was sterile. She said she couldn't have children and neither of them wanted to assume the potential problems of adoption.

"My parents never pushed us and they respected our choice of being a career couple rather than having a family," Maria says. "His mother didn't. She hassled us until I couldn't take it any more and found an unquestionable reason. She never accepted the fact that Bill didn't want to have children. Bill's mother was only thinking of herself."

"Once you are grown children, your parents no longer have any real power over you – only the power you give them," says Tessina.

After Maria's declaration, both Maria and her mother-in-law cried in each other's arms. The mother-in-law grieved for the grandchild she wouldn't have from Bill and Maria. Maria cried with relief. Perhaps now her mother-in-law would accept them as a childless couple.

Explaining Yourself
"I've always wanted a child," ays Brenda*. "Steven wants children but wants to finish his master's degree first. Not only do I feel anxious, but my mother has been at me for a while now. It started as subtle hints. Then the jokes came and now she clearly bugs both of us. The worst part is, even if I know that one day we'll have a baby, I feel so bad I'm letting my mother down. I feel like I failed her. I'd love to please her by giving her a grandchild, but Steven wants to wait."


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