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Failing Fatherhood

How Men Handle Infertility

By Gwen Morrison

It is estimated that five to six million U.S. couples suffer from infertility. While many infertility resources focus on supporting the emotions of women, the emotions of the male partner are often overlooked. Are men's emotions regarding infertility different from women's emotions? Most experts answer with a resounding "Yes!"

"It appears that men are not as willing or as able as their female partners to talk about their experience," says Dr. William D. Petok, a licensed psychologist who also teaches in the resident training program at Sinai Hospital's Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology in Baltimore, Md. "Perhaps this is because we traditionally think of children as a woman's province. Over the ages, conception has been thought of as the woman's responsibility."

"It's important to acknowledge that differences exist among men in their emotional reactions to infertility," says Dr. David L. Keefe, chief of the division of reproductive medicine at Women and Infants Hospital of Brown University in Providence, R.I. and Tufts New England Medical Center in Boston, Mass. "These differences may be as great as differences between men and women."

To understand men's reactions to infertility, Dr. Keefe explains that one must pay attention to individual coping styles. "Still, generalizations can be made about men's emotional reactions to infertility," he says. "Initially, men tend to deal with infertility by striving to 'tuff it out,' whereas women tend to 'talk it out.' Because men's water cooler chats rarely touch on baby showers, men have an easier time denying the importance of children to their lives."

Infertility is a particularly difficult subject for men because it touches on one of the most personal aspect of their lives. "When a man learns his sperm may be the cause, it can shake his assumptions about his manhood," says Dr. Keefe. "Men, more than women, can attach great significance to the numbers describing their reproductive function. They may have bought into the notion that size doesn't matter, but hey, aren't so sure about concentration and motility."

Want to see more?

• Male Factor Infertility: Infertility from His Perspective
• Antisperm Antibodies: Myths, Truths and Treatments of Sperm Allergies
• Beyond Hot Tubs and Boxers: Genetic Links to Male Infertility
• Fuzzy Blue Hippo: A Hopeful Dad's Wait
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