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Pregnancies Lost, but Not Forgotten

One Woman Remembers the Children of Miscarriage

By Amanda Formaro

I kept calling the doctor's office and telling them that I was still bleeding. I was brought in for yet another ultrasound only three days after the first. Again, the baby was fine. A couple of days later the bleeding increased. The flow became a bit heavier and I panicked. When I phoned the doctor he was short with me and told me that there was nothing else that they could do. We just had to wait it out. Easy for him to say. My mind was in turmoil and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

The next morning something willed me out of bed. I was bleeding so heavily that I didn't make it the short trip to the bathroom. When I got there I remember passing a golf-ball-sized object, without any pain or discomfort. I was in shock. I knew in my heart what had happened at that moment, but my mind was blocking it, perhaps protecting me. When I got up the water was such a deep red that I was unable to see what had left my body. I was in a whirlwind and didn't know what to do. I flushed.

I silently went out into the kitchen of my tiny apartment and put on a pot of coffee. I sat down and began to clip coupons. No tears. Nothing. The words of my doctor kept ringing through my head: "There's nothing else we can do." Over and over again. I was afraid to call him, so I didn't. That was Sunday morning.

Want to see more?

• Dr. Benson Discusses Miscarriage: An Expert Gives Answer to Your Miscarriage Questions
• Life After Miscarriage: Preparing for a Healthy Pregnancy After Miscarriage
• What's a D&C? The Ins and Outs of Dilation and Curettage
• Grieving My Loss: Short Stories About Pregnancy
• Join the discussion on our Family.com community!