Re: Men and Miscarriage by Kris on 02/01/2010 08:37PM

I forgot to say... we were 9 weeks along in the pregnancy.

Re: Men and Miscarriage by Kris on 02/01/2010 11:50AM

We found out on Friday (four days ago) that our baby no longer has a heartbeat and we are awaiting miscarriage. It is unbelievably difficult, and equally so for both of us, though we are handling it differently. The first day we were both just so sad and in shock. The next day was emotionally draining for me and my husband was my rock, but by that evening he started getting ill and has gone through a terrible flu of fever, chills, and all-over body ache. Even his eyeballs hurt, he said. I think this illness is as much a physical as an emotional reaction to the new reality we are adjusting to, as he is normally very healthy and there's no real "reason" he should be sick right now. When he woke up today, the fever was gone, so he went to work. He has a busy week ahead and is soldering on. I, on the other hand, had a terrible nights' sleep full of crazy and worry-some dreams, and I called in for work today. I just couldn't go and have spent most of the morning in bed. I feel guilty, as I know my husband is suffering physically and he manages-- or simply chooses-- to go on. However yesterday, when he was the most sick, I felt well and able to take care of him and I did so with lots of love. After all, the whole time we knew I was pregnant (I suppose on some level I still am...) he took amazing, loving, tender care of me. The experience of being pregnant strengthened our relationship so much; I hope the experience of miscarrying will provide opportunities to learn, love, and grow even closer. We still hope for children and will try again when the time is right.

Re: Men and Miscarriage by anonymous on 01/11/2010 05:33PM

for me theres never been a question men are effected by miscarriage, my bf certainly was and his feelings were due acknowledgement and understanding just as mine were. i do have difficulty though with claims that women are in no way anymore effcted, that are suffering is no more than our partners. i don understand the desperation to have pain measured as 'equal' it makes no sense to me because the pain can't be measurable. no one individual can no what it's like to be the miscarriage sufferer and the partner of a miscarriage sufferer to 'compare' experiences. effectively it also means the fact the women carried the baby is of no consequence whatsoever and disregards the physical trauma, something i found very distressing, because of what's happening to your body it makes the loss more real. i remember being so scared each time i went to the bathroom, scared of how much more blood i'd find and agonising over if it was my fault and if it was something i'd done.i wish people would realise that when a women loses her baby it can feel like you lose part of yourself as you've been carrying the baby with you all this time and bonding can start as soon as you know your pregnant.many things play a role in the bonding including the physical closeness to the baby, pregnancy hormones, a changing body, looking after yourself better becuase you want to do the best for your baby and also feeling the fluttering of the moving baby.i get upset people don't think about these things and tell me they don't matter because the pain is just as bad for the man

Re: Men and Miscarriage by PSinNJ on 01/08/2010 11:46AM

I had just gone through my experience dealing with a miscarriage. My wife and I have already had 2 wonderful children already. You would think that it would be easy to hang our hat on the "ohhh we already have so much to be thankful for"...but this is not true. The pain is very real for us both. I would give anything to be able to hold either of my little ones as a baby again for just one more day and I thought I had that chance. My wife was looking forward to carrying a child again and I was already a pro being able to my part along the way. The pain is real. I do not think it will ever go away. All I can do now is learn to deal with the loss and not let it dominate me whenever I have a free moment of thought. For the men out there that may be reading my post, just know that it is ok to cry and talk about it. It is ok to let your woman know that were struck down by the miscarriage as hard as she was. Your baby was very real as are your feelings. Be there for each other, unconditionally, now more than ever. My prayers are with you all. God bless...

Re: Men and Miscarriage by anonymous on 01/06/2010 11:44AM

When you’re pregnant you live with your baby every day, share a closeness with her in a way no one else can. I came home from the hospital carrying my dead baby inside me, waiting to miscarry the body after many weeks of adapting my lifestyle and diet to suit the needs of my growing baby, it felt like I was already taking care of a baby. I don’t think it’s selfish to say it’s likely a mother will more often experience the loss more deeply but it doesn’t mean that’s always the case or that a partner’s feelings aren’t important and worthy of sympathy.