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Helping a Friend Survive Miscarriage
Positive Support for Grieving Parents After Miscarriage
By Steve Theunissen
Consider writing a card or letter. "One friend wrote me a lovely note," says Shelley, a mother who suffered two miscarriages. "I really appreciated it because I could read it over and over." Don't feel that you need to be extravagantly clever with your words. A simple, loving message of support from your heart to theirs can be a wonderful gift.
As a caring confidant, you may find yourself in a rather uncomfortable position if your friend starts revealing such feelings to you. So rather than discussing the specific perceived failings of her partner, let her know that the reactions for a father are necessarily going to be different than those of the mother. They are, however, no less valid. He, too, has suffered a loss. Hiding it may be his way of dealing with it. Whatever you do, don't encourage her in her negative attitude toward her partner. Rather, suggest that she talk through her fears with him.
The wounds caused by miscarriage are deep and lasting. By being a friend in times of distress, however, you can provide a vital ingredient in the healing process. So rather than shying away from a couple who are grieving over the spontaneous abortion of their child, view the situation as an opportunity to let your loving concern for them blossom.
* Last name withheld to protect privacy.
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Re: When They Need You Most by anonymous on 05/17/2009 04:32PM
thanks so much for this article. after i suffered my first miscarriage i found my distress was made worse by the ignorance and insensitivity of well meaning friends and relatives. after a while, i thought that perhaps i was being over sensitive and irrational. i know now though that i am not alone and my feelings are understable.
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Re: When They Need You Most by anonymous on 05/19/2009 10:19AM
You can also help by breaking the news to family and friends. I recently suffered a miscarriage and got overwhelmed by how many times I had to tell the story (only hurting me more emotionally). Also, think of funs things to do to take the person's mind of the miscarriage.