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Crueler Than Hope

Handling the Disappointments of Trying to Conceive

By Mark Stackpole

You try not to think about it, not to put pressure on yourself, not to get too excited at the first positive signs and not to be too disappointed when it doesn't happen. How can you help it, though? Hope keeps creeping in on its little cat feet, nestling in the warmest parts of your soul. Impossible to ignore, impossible to deny. Just like the heartbreak that follows when it creeps back out...

I had a follow-up appointment with my urologist, prepared to hear that the counts had improved, but not dramatically enough to make natural conception realistic. There was no way I was letting Hope back in after drinking it in too deeply and trying to minimize the hangover of disappointment.

Playing it cool, I waited nonchalantly for him to interpret the results. Dr. Dale launched into the concise yet informative style that I have come to respect and appreciate, whether delivering good news or bad. "Your sperm count is up. Still low, but at a number where pregnancy is possible, and we are still in the early stages of your recovery. Motility is up, and virtually all of the sperm are normal. If your wife isn't pregnant by March – and she very well could be – then call me, and we'll check the count again. I don't think you'll need IUI, IVF or ICSI. I think you'll be just fine."

Oh. Well, in case, it's like I always say: "Is there anything greater than Hope?"

Want to see more?

• Too Toxic to Conceive: Is Your Lifestyle to Blame?
• Male Factor: Infertility From His Perspective
• Truth Be Told: Common Infertility Myths
• Talk about it!