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Home › Articles › Holiday: Winter › Tears and Tinsel

Tears and Tinsel

9 Ways to Make Space in Your Grief for Some Holiday Joy

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If you've recently lost a loved one – and even if it happened not so recently – the holidays can be heart wrenching. The stark contrast between glowing lights and the darkness of your sorrow is difficult to take. Frankly, you'd like to crawl under the covers and hide until January 2. But according to Susan Apollon, an intuitive psychologist who works with grieving people, it is possible to find some pleasure, even a touch of joy, in the holiday season.

"The holidays are painful if someone you love has recently died, or if you're going through a divorce or even if your child has moved away," says Apollon, author of Touched by the Extraordinary: An Intuitive Psychologist Shares Insights, Lessons and True Stories of Spirit and Love to Transform and Heal the Soul (Matters of the Soul, 2005). "Special days remind us of our loss. Family is supposed to be together during the holidays, and when things aren't the way they're 'supposed' to be, of course it's distressing. But you can get through the holidays. In fact, even if your grief is very fresh, you can create a space to celebrate in your own way."

Here are 9 hints for making space in your grief for some holiday joy:

1. First, give yourself permission to cry.
Apollon's mantra on dealing with grief is "face it, embrace it and replace it." In other words, the only way to "get over" sadness is to experience it. "If you need to cry, cry, even if you're at a party and have to leave the room," Apollon says. "You might even set aside an evening to get in touch with your grief. Fix the cocoa you used to drink with your mother or go through your photo albums. It's healthier to feel the sadness and loss than to detach yourself from it. It's right and normal to grieve; just don't make it the dominant part of who you are."
 

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