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All I Want for Christmas Is a Baby

Infertility During the Holidays

By Michele St. Martin

Denise of Ocean Springs, Miss., is dreading the holidays this year. Last year, after 8 years of trying to conceive, she and her husband conceived twins through IVF. As family and friends prepared for Christmas, Denise and her husband learned (10 days before Christmas) that the babies had died in utero. This year, "I cringe at the thought of waking this Christmas morning alone instead of with my would-be 8-month-old twins," she says. "I know I'll cry while everyone is happily tearing into gifts."

Denise says that most people have forgotten their loss. "We suffer silently and watch other peoples' kids grow up, and watch our dreams die," she says. 

Many infertile couples feel isolated from the "fertile" world, and this can be especially true during the family-centered holidays. While it's not healthy to avoid everyone and anything about the holidays, it can be healthy to avoid situations and places that make us feel worse. Jacob encourages couples to think about what they find most difficult about the holidays, and to make a choice to avoid what's hardest for them.

"Whether it's child-centered religious services or mall Santas, you can choose not to have those things in your life." Jacob suggests looking at alternatives to traditions that hurt. For example, if religious observance during the holidays is important but you don't think you can make it through children acting out the Christmas story at your church, try attending services on a university campus. "The services are more adult-centered and cater to faculty and students," says Jacob. There may be some children of faculty members present, but children won't be the center of the services.

Want to see more?

• Myth Busters: 10 Not-so-true Statements
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• The Infertility Marketplace: What to Ask a Health Care Provider
• Check out our Article Library.
• Talk about it!