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The Boy-Girl Baby Blues

Is a Sex Preference Normal?

By Lisa A. Goldstein

When asked if it's normal to be disappointed upon finding out the sex, Coleman says, "Parents should assume that it's entirely normal and expect to be disappointed. However, they should work to understand the source of their disappointment."

One question to ask is this: Are you afraid of how to parent the opposite sex? "For example, women who have been molested sometimes voice fears that they'll transfer their anxiety about men onto their sons or mishandle a boy's energy," says Coleman. "A man might fear that he wouldn't know how to relate to a baby girl and thus damage her in the process. Talking about these fears with your partner or friends can be helpful." If the anxieties are severe, he advises enlisting the help of a therapist.

Here's another question: Do you hope to be a better mom or dad to your child than your parents were?

Coleman says to work to understand the source of your preference. A preference for one sex doesn't mean that you won't become attached to the other sex or that you'll be an ineffective parent. But if this feeling strongly persists after the first year and it is interfering with your parenting, he suggests seeking counseling.

If a couple is having another child in order to have another version of a deceased child, this is potentially problematic, Coleman says. The new child will be very different, even if he or she is the same sex. "Having another child could move them toward healing the loss of the first child, but hoping to have a boy to replace the other boy is problematic for both the parents and the child," he says.

In an article for the San Francisco Chronicle, Coleman wrote that while the ability to select the sex is a recent scientific development, the desire has existed for centuries: "Aristotle advised couples that having sex in the south wind would produce a girl. Henry the VIII tried six wives in an attempt to produce a son. In ancient Greece, men thought a boy would result from having sex while lying on their right sides."

Want to see more?

• Low-tech Ways to Choose Your Baby's Gender: Using the Shettles Method or Whelan Method to Conceive a Boy or Girl
• Assisted Sex Selection: Proven Ways to Choose Your Baby's Gender
• Boy or Girl: Should You Choose the Sex of Your Child?
• Join the discussion on our Family.com community!
• Gender Prediction Kits: The Pros and Cons of Gender Prediction Kits

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