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The Baby Game

Are You Prepared to Play?

By Colleen Frye

To the beginner, the rules of the baby game seem fairly straightforward: At the first ring of the biological alarm clock, you count backward nine months from Memorial Day (which gives you time to trim up for Fourth of July, which is the opening day of bathing suit season in New England); clean out the extra room; assess the bank account, and take a blood oath with your husband or partner to start saving more money; and start clipping diaper coupons from the newspaper. Then you wait. And wait.

Finally, you reread the rules, which also say: Go directly to the doctor's office; do not pass maternity; do not collect your 200 jars of baby food. Now, the game grows more complicated. Instead of playing in the privacy of your own home, you must play in a public arena where cheerleaders try to keep your spirits up, coaches sketch out a strategy for you to follow and specialists analyze and scrutinize your every move.

To understand the language of the game, you must arm yourself with volumes of books that define medical terms. To win the game, you must figure out a way around certain obstacles; some are simply annoying, some are simply painful and others seem insurmountable. Still, the real trick is knowing when the game is over, because there aren't always winners.

When women of my mother's generation played this game, players depended more on fate than on doctors. If you were lucky, you "found yourself with child." For many women today, technology has replaced the roll of the dice.

Once you've committed to the game, you must resign yourself to the well-meaning friends and relatives who feel compelled to cheer you on. When you try to explain the maneuvers you've tried, and the details of your strategy, they may innocently ask: "Have you tried just relaxing?" Relaxing? Relaxing is a candlelight dinner, some red wine and jazz on the CD player. These folks have obviously never tried relaxing with a thermometer.

Want to see more?

• It's in the Genes: Genetic Testing
• Considering Pregnancy Later in Life
• Money, Marriage and Medicine: Some Things to Think About Before You Conceive
• Talk about it