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I Will Never Forget

The Struggle That Brought Joy

By Ninotchka Beavers

As I watch Natalie playing on the playground with her classmates, completely unaware of my presence, I'm flooded with feelings of complete and pure love for this child that we've created – this child that was bequeathed to us like a generous gift from the angels up in the heavens. How could we be so lucky? And how could we be so blessed to be given the promise of yet another gift – another perfect soul who graces our lives and fills them with even more joy, more love, more promise and more pain at the prospect of not being able to protect her from everything in this great and awful world. These are the profound thoughts and emotions that overcame me today on a simple drive to meet a much-loved friend, and I know I'm so lucky.

Yet, I have not, nor will I ever, forget this seemingly insurmountable burden of infertility and the magnificent someone who awaited us on the other side as if to say, "About time you two showed up! I've been waiting for you all along!" No matter what happens from this day forward, no one can take this newfound wisdom away from me – this education of how bad things can seem to get and what is on the other side if you stick around long enough. I won't wear our experience with infertility as a badge of honor. I won't use it as an excuse. I won't use it to attain pity, to inflict guilt or as an emotional measuring stick. I simply will never forget.

Want to see more?

• Upping the Odds: Doing Your Best to Conceive
• Safeguard Your Fertility: 6 Simple Steps
• The Facts to Relax: Cope With the Stress of Infertility
• Talk About It!