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Counseling Infertility

Professional Help for the Emotional Side of Conception

By Beth Hering

Sometimes partners will have opposite opinions on whether or not to try counseling. Patricia Mendell, a licensed clinical social worker and co-chair of the AFA, remarks that since men and women often have different feelings and experiences in regard to infertility, it is fine that just one person may want to attend. "Both will benefit, and the other may join in time," she says.

Kane says that she and her husband occasionally attended together to work on issues surrounding how they interacted, but mostly they each went separately. "I don't even think I realized it at the time, but I would go and talk about dealing with the loss of our son and our inability to conceive again, and my husband would go and talk about dealing with a wife who was sapping all of his strength because she was so lost in grief," Kane says.

Going into a new place to talk about personal issues may seem daunting at first, but a therapist who is knowledgeable about the medical and emotional aspects of infertility should be able to make things run smoothly.

"People should expect time to express what treatment they have tried and how they are coping emotionally," Galst says. "There should be some discussion of their goals for counseling, as well as an evaluation of their needs. An initial session may also cover issues of other life losses and how those have been coped with in the past. Finally, there is usually some psychoeducation involved, whereby the individual or couple is educated on the physical and psychological impact of infertility. Information on what to expect in treatment and typical gender differeces in experiencing infertility and coping with it may also be shared."

Want to see more?

• Healing the Mind, Healing the Body: An Interview with Helen Adrienne, MSW, ACSW, BCD
• Failing Fatherhood: How Men Handle Infertility
• The Facts to Relax: How to Cope with the Stress of Infertility
• Check out our Article Library.
• Talk about it!