quick clicks

preconception articles

preconception q&a

community & groups

research baby names

prepare a birth plan

content channels

ip channel rss feeds

read birth stories

read parenting stories

recommended books

e-newsletters

safety recalls

ip diaries

ip store

mom of the month

dad of the month

editor's letter

letters to the editor

Counseling Infertility

Professional Help for the Emotional Side of Conception

By Beth Hering

After suffering her third miscarriage, Christine Spassione of Irvington, N.J., began noticing that she was burying herself in her work, cutting herself off from friends and family and not sleeping well. But it wasn't until two things happened that she finally sought the help she knew she needed. The first was her 2-year-old son seeing her crying and trying to console her.

"He should not have had to do that – I was dragging him in to something that his young age didn't deserve," Spassione says. The second turning point was weeks of stomach issues for which three doctors could not figure out a source. Finding her sitting on the bathroom floor crying and feeling sick to her stomach once again, Spassione's husband suggested it was all anxiety induced and she needed to see someone. Today, Spassione claims that counseling for a year and a half was "the best thing I could have done."

While many people dealing with infertility issues have been helped by professionals, an Internet poll conducted by Marina Lombardo and Linda J. Parker while writing their book I Am More Than My Infertility (Seeds of Growth Press, 2007) reveals that more than two-thirds of respondents had not sought counseling. Why do so many people choose not to seek professional help for the emotional side of conception, and what might they be missing?

"One of the most basic reasons people avoid going to therapy or counseling when experiencing infertility is the notion that it must mean they are crazy," says Dr. Joann Paley Galst, a psychologist in private practice and co-director of support services for the American Fertility Association (AFA). Yet when someone takes control of her life by finding the help she needs, it can be empowering.

"I would recommend counseling," says Kami Kane of Spokane, Wash., who sought professional help to deal with infertility issues and the loss of a son shortly after birth. "It is not only nice to hear that you aren't crazy but that in fact you are strong in surviving infertility. A good counselor can help you move through by teaching new and perhaps better coping skills."

Want to see more?

• Healing the Mind, Healing the Body: An Interview with Helen Adrienne, MSW, ACSW, BCD
• Failing Fatherhood: How Men Handle Infertility
• The Facts to Relax: How to Cope with the Stress of Infertility
• Check out our Article Library.
• Talk about it!