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Telling Family to Butt out of Your Reproductive Life!

Who Controls Your Future Fertility?

By Marie-Helen Goyetche

"After a year of marriage, I felt so much pressure from my family I was putting extra pressure on myself," says Peggy Roth*. "One night I sat with my mom and told her how I felt. She cried and told me she didn't want to upset me; she wanted a grandchild. The day I found out I was pregnant, not only was I happy, but I thought, 'Yes! Peace and quiet! They'll stop bothering me.' They bothered me for other things, but it wasn't pressure any more."

"Maria and I always knew we were never going to have children," says Kevin Grey*. "My mother put so much pressure on us that on our 10-year anniversary, Maria told my mother she was sterile. I know it's extreme, but peace has no price. This year we'll celebrate our 20th anniversary, and my mother still occasionally mentions that we never gave her grandchildren. It affects Maria much more than it does me."

The Grey's story isn't rare. Many couples will say anything to get family and friends off their backs. There's resentment in Grey's family, as the mother didn't respect her grown-up child, his wife and their wishes, nor did she listen to their desires. To get out of the spotlight, his wife lied.

"Be true to yourselves and your relationship with each other," Swanson says. "They – the ones pressuring – are not the ones who will be raising your children."

When discussing when you should conceive – or even whether or not to conceive – you don't need additional pressure from others in your entourage. This decision rests with the future mom and dad. The rest of the world can butt out.

* Name changed to protect privacy.

Want to see more?

• Baby Talk: How to Approach the Subject of Having a Baby
• The Pressure Cooker: When Family Interferes
• Sharing the Struggle of Infertility: Should You or Shouldn't You?
• Join the discussion on our Family.com community!

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