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Telling Family to Butt out of Your Reproductive Life!

Who Controls Your Future Fertility?

By Marie-Helen Goyetche

Ultimately, it may come down to distance between your families and yourselves, so you can live your lives as you wish. It's not necessary to make a physical move, but you do need to separate and make a distinction between your new immediate family (the newlyweds), the rest of the family and your friends.

Take a step back and realize you're not living with your parents any more – you're living with your spouse. When you take affirmative action and react as a separate household, your parents might be less inclined to impose their thinking on your relationship. Think about it: Do you know every intimate detail between your parents? Of course not! Your parents will have to respect and understand that your decisions are now made as a husband and wife, not as a son or daughter.

"Without being rude or causing World War III, Paul and I slowly took some distance," Kent says. "I didn't call my parents every day, and I wouldn't mention every disagreement Paul and I had, either. My mother noted to me a few times that we weren't as close as before, but for the health and sanity of my relationship with Paul, I felt I had to do something. We get along with my parents; we're just more selective in our discussions."

Verbalize! If you know your intentions, be straightforward. Tell family and friends if you have no intentions of becoming parents. If you've thought it through and have come to a mutual decision, nothing they say or do will change your minds. If you give the impression that there's a slight possibility that you're unsure, they'll nag you. They'll try to convince you. If waiting a few years is your plan, tell them. They are well meaning and may think only in their perspective, but don't be shy about expressing your concerns and reasons why you've decided to wait.

Want to see more?

• Baby Talk: How to Approach the Subject of Having a Baby
• The Pressure Cooker: When Family Interferes
• Sharing the Struggle of Infertility: Should You or Shouldn't You?
• Join the discussion on our Family.com community!

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