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The Surrogacy Search

Starting Out

Part One

By Michele St. Martin

The experience is in contrast to their first attempt at surrogacy: The surrogate's partner is supportive, and Kim's husband "gets along great" with the surrogate. "He is very involved and goes to most appointments," she says. "He is so relieved we are with her now, as opposed to our last arrangement."

Kim has ample evidence that their current surrogate isn't motivated by money, and this has smoothed the relationship between the two couples. "She offered to do it for free, but I couldn't do that," says Kim. "Although we couldn't pay her the fee that agency surrogates get ... we make sure that she is not out any money of her own." Kim and her husband cover the surrogate's time away from work, so that she doesn't need to use vacation time or sick time; they pay for mileage, maternity clothes, insurance and an agreed-upon fee. "She feels we treat her with respect," says Kim.

For some, the cost of even an independent gestational surrogacy arrangement is overwhelming. Lynn, 39, of Chesapeake, Va., and her husband struggled with the financial implications of the IVF required for a gestational surrogacy arrangement. Since being genetically related to the child was not important to Lynn, they decided to try traditional surrogacy, which is much less expensive. "Our daughter is genetically related to my husband and our surrogate," she says.

Linda, 39, of Oak Lawn, Ill., is the mother of 7-month-old twins through an independent gestational surrogacy agreement. Although things turned out happily in the end – "I have cherished every day with them since their birth," Linda says – her experience with her surrogate was decidedly mixed.

"We did not know our surrogate before," says Linda. "It was a little rocky at points because she was clearly doing this for financial gain instead of compassionate reasons. Sometimes the relationship was strained because she tried a couple times to push me on the financial issues. For this reason, I highly recommend using an escrow or trust account even in an independent relationship so that financial issues don't come into play in the surrogacy relationship."

Want to see more?

• Gift-giver: Profile of a Surrogate Mother
• Dollars and Sense of Infertility Treatment
• Choosing Assisted Reproduction: Social, Emotional and Ethical Considerations
• Talk about it!

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