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Donor Decisions

Considering Donor Egg & Sperm

By Michele St. Martin

Still, Jean struggles with the fact that the child won't be her biological child. "I find myself often thinking of things that I hope I will or won't pass on to my baby, like this issue of poor quality eggs," she says. "Then all of a sudden I remember that the child won't be biologically related to me, and therefore I won't be able to pass anything on. That's when it hits the hardest, in that silent moment of recognition."

Paige, 36, and Jim, 31, of Matthews, N.C., have had such difficulties with their infertility that they separated for a time. After they got back together, they did one IVF cycle. The cycle failed. Their doctor thought that Jim's high number of abnormal sperm might be the cause, that even though eggs fertilized, they may not have implanted because of the abnormal sperm. Deeply in debt, they can only afford one more IVF cycle.

Previously, Jim has been opposed to both donor sperm and adoption, but now they are using a twist on donor sperm to have their child: both Jim's and a donor's sperm will be used to fertilize Paige's eggs. It is likely that should a pregnancy result, it will be as a result of the donor's sperm – but there is a chance that Jim could be the biological father. Although using donor sperm is difficult for Jim to reconcile, he's determined that it's the best option for them. "I am not comfortable using donor sperm, but since I love my wife and want children, I must do what I must do," he says. "For a while, it bothered me that another man has to get my wife pregnant, but in the end, I believe it won't matter and I'll love the baby like it was my own."

Want to see more?

• The Surrogacy Search: Starting Out
• Adoption: Where Do I Start?
• Embryo Adoption
• Talk about it!