quick clicks

preconception articles

preconception q&a

community & groups

research baby names

prepare a birth plan

content channels

ip channel rss feeds

read birth stories

read parenting stories

recommended books

e-newsletters

safety recalls

ip diaries

ip store

mom of the month

dad of the month

editor's letter

letters to the editor

Bringing Adoption into the Light

The Myths About Adoption
and How to Fight Them

By Mark Stackpole

How do these single mothers handle the discussion with their children about the obvious differences between parent and child? Regardless of where the adopted child came from, Morrissette believes the parents should start talking about how the family was built before the child even understands what it all means.

"This way a parent gets comfortable with the words and the story, and the child doesn't have some 'sit down' moment when a strange truth is revealed that makes it seem like more of a big deal than it is," says Morrissette. "Eventually, some children might start focusing on how they have different coloration from the parent. But if the story is always a part of their life, with no secrets, it is much easier in the long run."

While not all single mothers choose international adoption, and not all of those who do are single mothers, the choice is obviously not one entered into lightly. Three years ago, physician Dr. Lori Tishler and her husband from Boston, Mass., chose to adopt a child from China. She is concerned that many people seem to think that adoption is a lesser way of becoming a parent.

"Adoption is for many of us a second choice but is not second best," says Dr. Tishler. "I think that a lot of myths are perpetuated by really crummy adoption language. What bothers me the most is the distinction between children who are adopted and children who are 'biological.' Even well-meaning and very educated people say things like, 'Will you have your own?' My child couldn't be more my own if I had given birth to her."

Want to see more?

• Finally Yours: When the Adoption Is Final
• International Adoption: Requirements by Country
• Six Lucky Siblings: An Older-child Adoption Story
• Talk about it!
• Check out our Article Library.