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New Age Families

Family-Building for Gay and Lesbian Parents

By Jonathon Allen

 (AltaMira Press, 1998). "Though the samples are small, some studies show that, because they must deal with more social stigma, children raised in lesbian households exhibit higher levels of maturity, independence, tolerance and verbal ability. There are also some indications that lesbians co-parent more than heterosexual parents, and that this may be to the child's advantage. I think it can be said with relative certainty that same-sex parenting is neither a detriment to the children of gay parents or society at large."

Since it's not likely to happen by "accident," one significant issue facing gay couples who are interested in being parents is when is the right time to bring another person into the family?

"I would like to think that all parents wait to have kids until they've gone through some rough times and come out of them fine," Dr. Schwartz says. "The best time to think about having children is when both partners have pledged to do everything they can to stay together for the sake of the children."

For many gay, lesbian and bisexual families, raising children is an innate drive. Even though many of them are boldly reinventing the roles of gender and family in modern America, most same-sex parents, like their heterosexual counterparts, are merely doing what comes naturally to them and are happily immersed in the adventure of parenting.

"Right now, we're attempting to have another child using Gus' biological father," Christie Nordhiem says. "We are trying with me first, so Gus can have a full sibling, but if it doesn't work, we'll try with Marta, in which case Gus would have a half-sibling, but Marta would be a biological mom. There are a lot more options when you have two uteri between you."

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• Talk about it!