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In the Meantime

Work on Your Relationship While You're Waiting

By Teri Brown

"Sometimes one partner will share his/her feelings with their spouse and the spouse may reply with 'me too' or 'ditto' when they actually have feelings to the contrary," he says. "Not sharing your true feelings is likely only to lead to resentment and other negative emotions."

Cottle says that when couples are struggling to have children, many individuals have strong negative emotions (e.g., frustration, feelings of inadequacy), and couples should communicate openly and share these feelings with each other. "By sharing these feelings, they can begin to empathize with each other, and often, they may reach a new level of intimacy," he says.

"Partners can strengthen their relationship by becoming more interdependent with one another," says Cottle. "Find new hobbies to share together, travel together, read the same book and discuss it, go to church or other community groups together. When children come, they will benefit when their parents have established a strong marital relationship."

Dr. Scott Haltzman, psychiatrist and marriage, agrees that this can be a time for an intimate renewal of the married relationship. "In order to keep intimacy, you must celebrate the things that you have," he says. "Pamper yourself with the luxury of a weekend spa, take advantage of your physical energy to go on a hike together or play a one-on-one game of hoops. Talk about dreams that don't include children – career goals, educational goals, for instance."

Dr. Haltzman also recommends that a couple should remember that sex isn't just for reproduction. "You were attracted to each other, body and soul, from way back before you tied the knot," says Dr. Haltzman. "Don't lose track of how wonderful it feels to be in each other's arms. This is a good time to also explore other ways of gaining sexual satisfaction outside of intercourse. Sensual touch, massages or sex games don't necessarily have to lead to the bedroom, but they may be a great way of building intimacy."

Want to see more?

• Sexy Secrets: Make Conception Fun
• Fanning the Flames: Keeping the Love Alive When You're Trying to Conceive
• How's Your Sex Life? Great Sex Matters When You're Trying to Conceive
• Talk about it!