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Too Scared to Conceive
When Your Fears Are Holding You Back
By Teri Brown
There's a lot to be afraid of in this world. Pick your favorite phobia: terrorism, bankruptcy, crime, disease or even Mother Nature. Of course, having a baby isn't one of them. Or is it? For many people having a baby looms large on their list of things to be afraid of. It isn't because they don't want one – some do, desperately – but their fear of giving birth to a child with a devastating illness or disorder keeps them from conceiving.
Sometimes that fear may be quite valid; there may be a genetic disorder in the family or they may already have a child with a devastating illness or disorder. Julia Senatore from Barrie, Ontario, Canada, falls into that category. Her 9-year-old son was diagnosed with autism between his 2nd and 3rd birthday. "By the time he was almost 3 years old, we'd become firmly entrenched in the 'coping' way of life, not planning too far into the future, trying to get a handle on his needs, trying not to lose our sanity in the process and trying to deal with day-to-day life in chaos," she says. "The thought of having another child at that time was out of the question."
Now, as Senatore ages, the question has become more urgent. She and her husband would love to have another child, but they are hesitant. At this point, she has more questions than answers. What are the possibilities of having another autistic child? What if her other child was born with another illness or disorder? How could they afford it? Would her marriage stand the strain? Conceiving a child, once so easy, has become fraught with apprehension.
Senatore also worries about the child born without an illness or disorder. "How will they fare in a household that is structured around a special needs child's needs?" she asks. "How do you keep them from resenting the other child or from feeling that they have to constantly take care of them? Both extremes aren't healthy for that child."
