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Strong Enough

One Woman's Brush with Surrogacy

By Marie Groves

Physically, I could easily give what they wanted me to give -- what they needed me to give. In the face of their heartbreak, I was embarrassed at how simple building a family came to my husband and me. Worse yet, my emotional connection to a child not-yet-conceived was too strong to allow me to help another human being.

If surrogacy wasn't for me, then for whom was it? I started wondering what kind of woman would be able to get past these sort of emotions and grant the deepest wish of another.

I researched the Internet, looking for surrogacy programs and egg donors. I wanted to know more about these women. I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn't some horrible, selfish person. Perhaps, even, that most surrogates were in it for the money.

When I came across a surrogacy site that published letters from the surrogate to the parents awaiting the child, I knew I had been dead wrong. Warm tears stung my eyes as I read note after note describing the intricate relationships that evolved between each participant. There were notes of thanks and exclamations of joy, but nothing hit me quite as hard as the words of one surrogate.

She wrote about giving back to the world, adding more happiness. She wrote about sharing and participating in something greater than herself. And finally, she wrote about the soul that had passed through her and into the arms of his mother and father. She said the baby was not hers to keep. He just needed a way to get home.

When my brother's friends couldn't think of anyone better to be their surrogate, they were so wrong. I am not selfless enough. Throughout the entire thought process, I made the event about me -- my feelings. I know now that somewhere, out there, is a woman who will make the event about what it should be: a soul, who simply needs a little help to find his way home.