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Ready, Set, Mother

Making Changes and Choices

By Teri Brown

Karen Plomp, mother of six from Lebanon, N.H., believed she had accomplished all the mommy-to-be prerequisites. Turns out she wasn't as prepared to become a mother as she thought.

"I was totally unprepared for motherhood," says Plomp. "I had a vague picture in my mind of how the baby would sleep almost all day, waking up once in a while to eat and to play. Boy, reality was very different from that!"

Plomp says that things were much easier with her later children because she had an idea of what to expect, but the first baby was a difficult adjustment.

But can you really prepare for motherhood? The experts say yes – to a certain extent. Nothing is going to prepare you for the emotional highs and lows that are a part of the job description, but you can prepare yourself for the physical demands of motherhood and figure out the logistics of becoming a parent.

Lisa Groen Braner, author of The Mother's Book of Well-Being (Conari, 2003), believes that becoming a mother isn't as automatic or as simple as everyone assumes. "The passage from woman to mother is complex," says Braner. "It causes us to reexamine who we are and who we want to be for our children. Becoming a mother suddenly places you in the seat of true adulthood, yet it takes time before one feels comfortable and confident in the role."

Braner believes this is important to remember when anticipating childbirth. The expectations of new parents are high, fed by a culture that shows new motherhood to be a time of bliss and tranquility.

"So often we come to the role with perceptions of how motherhood will be and realize how unprepared we really are," says Braner. "Becoming a mother may be the first time a woman is 'called' to devote herself to a job unconditionally. Some moments find her strong and tireless, and others will find her exhausted and unsure."

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• Talk about it!