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Flying Solo

Single Parent Adoption

Part Three

By National Adoption Information Clearinghouse

In the case of older child adoptions, they may also offer subsidies and may charge no fee or a minimal one based on income. In the rare instance where an infant is placed with a single parent, the adopter sometimes assumes responsibility for the birth mother's expenses until the child is placed in a permanent home. These expenses could include sheltering, legal or medical costs which could range from $5,000 to $20,000. The higher figure would be for a long sheltering period and for a difficult delivery and extended hospital stay.

Stanley B. Michelman and Meg Schneider, authors of The Private Adoption Handbook, explain that the costs of independent adoptions can vary dramatically. They offer a breakdown of fees, estimating the range to be from $3,000 to $20,000. They advise that fees over $10,000 do not necessarily mean that the adoption is "black market" or illegal. They state that, "If your lawyer believes the expenses are necessary and he or she is willing to fully disclose to a judge the entire amounts paid, you can assume that he or she thinks the amounts involved are reasonable, justifiable and legal expenses." They say to "trust your own feelings and your lawyer's reputation."

 Foreign adoptions are expensive as well. While the costs in each country differ, they often are in the same range as domestic adoptions. The costs will vary depending on whether you must travel to the country to complete the adoption, and if you must stay there for a period of time, how much those expenses are.

For some children who are adopted, the adjustment period takes a few months; for others it takes years. Bringing a child home is not the end of the process. And despite your strong motivation and readiness for the job, you may need some help in making the adjustment to parenthood.

You may find that your shy teenager has become belligerent, refusing to obey the rules you have established. Or maybe you have started to resent the demands on your time that your baby makes – you are tired and overwhelmed. Or your daughter refuses to sleep at night and has nightmares when she does. She may be afraid that you are not going to keep her, if she has suffered serious rejections in the past. All children pose issues for their parents at various stages of their development. Adopted children have additional questions about their identity and heritage that will need to be addressed.

Want to see more?

• Where Do I Start? Adoption Information for Beginners
• Go the Distance: Exploring International Adoption
• Domestic Adoption: Building a Family
• Talk about it!