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Considering Religion

How Will You Raise Kids?

By Lisa A. Goldstein

r both of you, or if one is an atheist or averse toward the other's religion, you have a couple of choices. You can blend your religions into a new version that suits both of you or find a new faith that will accommodate both of your beliefs.

"You can even decide to go to separate services, but please don't make your children suffer from this difference when they are old enough to understand," says Tessina. "Either let them freely choose, or insist that they go with each of you at various times, but don't make it a struggle."

In the Cooks' case, their big religious discussion was relatively easy to resolve. Jim saw that Jodi's family was much more religious than his, so he suggested they bring the children up in a Jewish home. They came to the decision together, and then let both sets of parents know their decision. Everyone was supportive, and Jim's parents said they would love their grandchildren no matter what religion they are.

And they've fashioned their own middle ground. They make sure the kids are aware of both traditions. And while they're being raised Jewish, the Cooks allow holiday symbols like Santa and the Easter Bunny to be part of their lives. "Seeing as Jim's family isn't Jewish and that we feel these are merely symbols of a holiday, we don't see this as a conflict of interest," says Jodi.

Ultimately, you need to be comfortable with your family's faith. "Your religious beliefs or lack thereof will affect your parenting styles in a big way," says Tessina.

Want to see more?

• The Pressure Cooker: When Family Interferes
• Decisions, Decisions: Which Conception Path Is Right for You?
• Are You Too Young to Be a Parent?
• Talk about it!