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The Pressure Cooker

When Family Interferes

By Marie-Helen Goyetche

If both of you agree on the same ideas, discuss what you will tell others and take it from there.

If not ...

• Seek help from an experienced therapist. You may benefit from the counseling of a third and objective party.
• Establish your distance from both mothers (or other pressuring people). Be selective on what you'll share with them about your daily lives.
• Be the only two people involved in the decision about having a baby. You'll both feel more comfortable when the right time comes along.

Maria and Bill have recently celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary and are as much in love as they were in high school. Bill's mother comments on the loss of that grandchild every once in a while, but she's not on the couple's back like before.

After counseling, Judy put some emotional and physical distance between herself and her mother. They talk regularly on the phone, but they are not part of each other's daily lives. After several years, Judy remarried and is now the mother of three children.

When, why and how you choose to start a family is your business. Well-meaning family and friends are sure to let their feelings be known, but there is a fine line between good-natured conversation and unneeded pressure. Do yourself a favor: Get connected with your partner and get on with your life, and your loved ones will eventually get off your back.

Want to see more?

• Baby Battles: When He Doesn't Want a Child
• Butt Out: When Family and Friends Want Control Over Your Reproductive Future
• Holiday Family Gatherings and Infertility: Creating a Balance
• Talk about it!