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When He Won't Change

Your Partner's Health Matters

By Amy Carey

(John Wiley and Sons, 2002).

And doctors aren't sure what effects herbal supplements have on fertility, so if your partner pops pills of an "all-natural" nature, he might be endangering his chances of conceiving a healthy child. Be sure to get the go-ahead from your doctor about any medications or herbs you or your partner are taking while trying to conceive.

Stress and emotional turmoil are also fertility inhibitors for both partners. Is your partner under a lot of stress at work or in other areas of his life? His management of this stress is key to his ability to conceive a child. When he projects his stress onto your marriage or partnership, causing both of you to toss and turn at night, the effects can be two-fold. Even more significantly, if he is taking out his anxiety on you in the form of physical or emotional abuse, this can be the most damaging factor of all. "Domestic violence increases the chances of having unabated stress, which predisposes to neurophysiological imbalances leading to [unease] and inability to conceive," says Kamara.

Now that you know your husband's health is just as important as yours when trying to conceive, how can you communicate this to him? "The best strategy is to involve him in your preconception health visits with your physician," says Douglas. "Having the doctor in your court on these all-important lifestyle issues may help you make your case to your partner." Try printing out articles that describe the ill effects of smoking or other harmful habits on the ability to conceive, and leave them where your partner might find them – like in the bathroom or on his desk. Send him an e-mail with a link to an informative study.

If he continues to engage in problematic activities like smoking or balks at cutting his hours at work to reduce stress, consider why. First, habits can be hard to break. When addictive chemicals are involved, you may need help from a doctor to stop the behavior. Ask your health care provider to suggest stop-smoking programs or medications, and then let your partner know you are behind him all the way. Offer alternative activities when he's tempted to lapse into his old ways, or give him a pep talk about the family he can look forward to raising.

Want to see more?

• Baby Battles: When He Doesn't Want a Child
• Achieving Pregnancy: 10 Tips for Men
• 8 Ways to Help Improve Male Fertility
• Talk about it!