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Baby Battles
When He Doesn't Want a Child
By Shel Franco
in this area, someone, somewhere is going to have to make a sacrifice."
Just don't be so sure that he should be the one to make the sacrifice. "Often, we kid ourselves into thinking that we can convince him," says Paul.
Joint counseling might help you determine the sacrifice that needs to be made. "[The couple] may need to get help with this issue," says Paul. "This is one of the issues that can make or break a relationship, so it is very important for it to be resolved early. The man may need to understand the underlying reasons [the woman] has for wanting children or wanting more children."
While it might seem like a choice between motherhood or marriage, it's really more about being comfortable with who you are as an individual. According to Paul, some of the reasons a woman wants to become a mother will have a negative impact on the relationship, particularly if her identity hinges on having children.
"[My husband] couldn't understand that I needed to be loved by a child," says Becky Clark of St. Louis, Mo. "I felt like motherhood was the only way I could correct my bad childhood – prove that I was a good person despite the stuff I went through."
Clark and her husband began trying to conceive, but the relationship was tempestuous. "His heart wasn't really in it," she says. "I could tell that he was just going through the motions to make me happy – or even to just shut me up. It really started to get bad."
After 18 months, the Clarks had not conceived, so Becky
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