quick clicks

preconception articles

preconception q&a

message boards

research baby names

prepare a birth plan

content channels

ip channel rss feeds

read birth stories

read parenting stories

recommended books

e-newsletters

safety recalls

ip diaries

ip store

mom of the month

dad of the month

editor's letter

letters to the editor

Baby Battles

When He Doesn't Want a Child

By Shel Franco

Lili LeClerc, a separated mother of one in New Zealand, thought she had found the man of her dreams. Once they moved in together, LeClerc decided she was ready for another child, but her dream man wasn't.

"He gave me four options if I were ever to become pregnant," she says. "Tell him about the pregnancy, have the baby and ruin his life. Tell him, have an abortion and ruin his life. Don't tell him, have an abortion and ruin my life. Don't tell him, leave him and have the baby."

LeClerc tried to put this revelation out of her mind. "I was in love, so I put aside my feelings on the subject and got on with things," she says. "No matter how much I tried not to, I found myself raising the subject every couple of months."

Did the reminder help LeClerc get the child she wanted? Not exactly.

"I no longer have any contact with the man in question; I moved out of town," she says. "I now have five children with a man who agreed straight away with me on the subject on whether to have children, when to have them and how many to have."

How do you overcome the conflict? How do you know when to push your point of view or end the relationship?

"The maternal urge for more children doesn't disappear through will power," says LeClerc. "And if a couple has differing wants

Want to see more?

• Planning a Pregnancy Discussion Board
• Babies Later in Life: Preparing for Pregnancy at Age 35 or Older
• Keeping the Love Alive While You're Trying to Conceive
• When the Pressure Gets Tough: Working Things Out Now Before You Conceive