Baby Battles

When He Doesn't Want a Child

By Shel Franco

He's perfect. Besides being handsome, he has a wonderful sense of humor. He even cooks and does his own laundry. Best of all, he treats the women in his life with respect and admiration. There's just one teensy weensy problem: Your 10-year plan includes decorating a nursery, and he won't even help you wallpaper.

Whether it's your boyfriend of two years or your husband of 10, whether you're just starting to think about a family or you already have three children, day dreaming about babies while your partner is having nightmares can turn your world on end. Before you throw your baby wishes (or your partner) out the window, heed some advice from relationship expert Dr. Margaret Paul, psychologist, and women who have been through this before.

"A woman who really wants children needs to find out before marrying how her mate feels about this, and if he does want children, find out how many he wants," says Paul.

That shouldn't be all. Ideally, a woman should be asking when her perspective spouse wants children, because for some men, the desire to become a father enters the picture much later than their partners would like.

"We did discuss family size while we were dating and agreed that we wanted children," says *Carry Wright of Circleville, Ohio. "[But], I wanted to start [trying] soon after we got married, and he was pretty ambivalent about that."

With determination and communication, motherhood did come to call for Wright, but not everyone is so lucky.

Want to see more?

• Planning a Pregnancy Discussion Board
• Babies Later in Life: Preparing for Pregnancy at Age 35 or Older
• Keeping the Love Alive While You're Trying to Conceive
• When the Pressure Gets Tough: Working Things Out Now Before You Conceive