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My Turn Again
Life After Stillbirth and Miscarriage
By Jessica Frank
nd headed right to the orange juice. Time to start feeding vitamins to this baby.
I felt alive again for the first time in awhile. The stillbirth and loss of my son had made me feel dead inside. I functioned like a zombie. Suddenly I could see flowers blooming and hear birds singing again. I smelled the smell of a cake baking at a bakery. I wanted to run, to sing. I wanted to shout about the joy of being alive again.
It was the end of the school year. Anyone who knows children, knows that they are not at their best during May and June. They are done. Summer vacation and swimming pools beckon. The last thing they want to do is math, social studies and writing. For the first time ever in my career, I was as laid back as they were. I kept doodling on my desk during their seatwork time and drawing babies, cribs and coming up with names. They must have thought that I'd lost my mind.
Everything went great until week 6. On week 6, day 2, I had spotting. It only lasted for five minutes, but it was enough to tell me that something just wasn't right. I called the doctor and she had me come in for a sonogram. She put me in the room where I had lost Derek, and I sat shaking in Andy's arms. It turned out to be fine. The sono showed a normal sac and a yolk sac. They didn't see any sign of miscarriage. But my gut was telling me that something wasn't right. I insisted on an HCG and progesterone test.
Lucky I did. My HCG was fine, but my progesterone had dropped from a 1
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