My Turn – Again?

Life After Stillbirth and Miscarriage

By Jessica Frank

I couldn't believe it! I might be pregnant again. After a horrendous, devastating stillbirth at 38 weeks, I was possibly pregnant again. I took an EPT test two days before my period was due – hopeful, but ready to be disappointed again. I had failed the pregnancy test three times already, why should this month have been any different? But maybe, just maybe it was.

I took a flashlight into the bathroom and put it on "spotlight" and shone it on the stick to make sure that I wasn't imagining what I saw. It was a shadow of a line, but it was in fact a line. A very light one, almost so light that you think you are imagining things. But I'm a trained EPT expert now (they should considering hiring me), and I am sure that I saw something. My heart jumped into my throat and I quickly dialed a friend.

LeeAnn from Colorado, was a friend in tragedy. We'd both experienced stillbirths on the same day. Hers was at 35 weeks, mine was at 38 weeks. We had met in a grief site and had become fast friends. She was now 13 weeks pregnant. She was as excited as I was when I made the call. But I carefully explained to her about the shadow and told her I'd retest tomorrow – if I could wait that long.

Well I did manage to wait, after a night filled with wonderful dreams for the first time in six months. I dreamt of baby carriages and swings and even rejoiced in the idea of dirty diapers. It was finally going to be my turn up at bat again.

I got up early, so early that the o

Want to see more?

• You've Had a Miscarriage: What Now?
• Pregnancy After Miscarriage: The Ups and Downs of Trying Again
• Life after Miscarriage: Preparing for a Healthy Pregnancy
• Talk about it!