Fertility and Disabilities

A Profile of Dr. Mitchell S. Tepper

By Jennifer M. Paquette

When he and Cheryl decided to make a baby, they spelled out goals explicitly. "We decided to try at-home insemination for two years. This decision was based on my sperm analysis, Cheryl's age and our general state of readiness to add a child to our family," he says.

As with any couple trying to conceive, the next months were stressful ones. But even with all the gadgetry, they tried to "maintain a sense of humor throughout the process." Once, while Cheryl used a syringe to inject his sperm, they played the Rolling Stones in the background. As Tepper writes at his Web site, "Mick Jagger and I serenaded Cheryl and cheered my sperm along."

Keeping a sense of perspective is key. Even if ovulation timing hinders spontaneity, there are still "usually a couple of nights [to] try. So if one night it's not working, just postpone a day or two," he says. "You don't want to get into battles or blaming anybody ... If he didn't have an erection or ejaculate, you can still pleasure each other and not get into 'who failed this time.'"

When counseling couples, Tepper tells them "to take a break if it's causing them lots of stress ... If your focus is all on 'let's have this insemination done' and it doesn't happen, it can become an emotional roller coaster."

Tepper also recommends starting the adoption process while you're trying to make a baby. "It's not one or the other," he says. In his case, though, the Teppers had just started exploring adoption when their son, Jeremy, was conceived.

Now, he enthuses about the added dimensions parenting brings to his life and to his relationship with Cheryl: "It's about learning a new type of love, learning more about myself." And despite Jeremy's at-home conception, Tepper stresses that these bonds form "regardless of how you get a baby."

Too many would-be parents, hesays, resist adoption. They're "tied to genetics and wanting a genetic legacy, and they value that higher than anything else ... It's often very difficult ... to let go ... and accept other ways of being a parent." Most eventually realize they have more to offer a child than just genetics.

Want to see more?

• Male Factor Infertility
• Where Do I Start? Adoption Information for Beginners
• Eight Ways to Help Improve Male Fertility
• Talk about it!