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The End of the Road

Letting Go of Biological Parenthood

By Michele St. Martin

While Mimi admits that she still gets comments encouraging her to keep trying, her experience of sharing her story has been mostly positive. "We have been very open with our families and friends about this, and everyone has been very sympathetic."

Lisa says that she has shared this decision with a very small number of people. "My best friend was very supportive," she says. "She heard all about the trials of infertility while we were experiencing that, and has been wholeheartedly behind us in this decision. I've not yet told my family or my husband's family." Some long-time business acquaintances also made Lisa's to-tell list. "I've explained that we won't be having children," she says. "The reactions have ranged from intense support to disappointment."

For some women, the decision is the end to a cherished, lifelong dream, and comes after many years of painful, emotionally draining and expensive infertility treatment. Others aren't willing to endure the ordeal of infertility treatment. No matter what the reason for ending infertility treatment, most women make a decision about how they will deal with parenting. Some choose childfree living. Others seek alternatives: adoption, surrogate parenting, egg or sperm donors. According to Johnston, "Those whose greatest loss with infertility is the loss of the opportunity to parent are the ones who have the easiest time looking at options beyond treatment – options which involve some kind of adoption: traditional adoption, surrogacy, donor gametes."

Want to see more?

• Taking a Different Path Toward Motherhood
• Truth Be Told: Uncovering Common Infertility Myths
• Why Can't I Have a Flower on Mother's Day?
• Talk about it!

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