quick clicks

preconception articles

preconception q&a

message boards

research baby names

prepare a birth plan

content channels

ip channel rss feeds

read birth stories

read parenting stories

recommended books

e-newsletters

safety recalls

ip diaries

ip store

mom of the month

dad of the month

editor's letter

letters to the editor

The End of the Road

Letting Go of Biological Parenthood

By Michele St. Martin

Mimi, 35, of Memphis, Tenn., was 34 when she and her husband began their first IVF. She did not respond well to the medications and her doctor said that her body responded as though she were pre-menopausal. After several tries her doctor said that she had a very poor chance of conceiving a biological child. "The idea of not giving birth to a bio child is devastating," she says.

Coming to terms with ending treatment means, for many people, "coming out" to family and friends that they will not be giving birth to a biological child. Johnston strongly encourages folks to drag themselves out of the closet as early as possible. "This doesn't mean sharing the details with the universe, but being willing to acknowledge that one is getting treatment (generally) for a medical condition can help prevent the inappropriate feelings of shame that come to folks who hide in closets," she says. "I think it's essential that those who are out of the closet continue to maintain their right to privacy boundaries. Close family members and friends need education. Few people deserve or need the details. Mere acquaintances need no info at all!"

Katie says that she shared her decision to stop treatment with her mother. "She's still holding out hope that we aren't done trying," Katie says. "She really wants that grandchild! So I didn't share with anyone else."

Linda and her husband didn't hide their infertility. "We shared our infertility with immediate family almost immediately because I felt that it was better to get it out in the open than have people ask about when we are going to have kids," she says. "Most people were very supportive. My in-laws told us to keep trying, eventually we would have a baby. It took them a lot longer to come to terms with all of this than my parents."

Want to see more?

• Taking a Different Path Toward Motherhood
• Truth Be Told: Uncovering Common Infertility Myths
• Why Can't I Have a Flower on Mother's Day?
• Talk about it!

Post As:
Enter your comment below:
Title
Comment Text
CAPTCHA
Please note that any comments submitted become the property of Disney Family / iParenting and can be edited and posted at our discrection.