A Good Egg or Sperm

In Search of the Perfect Donor

By Sharon Miller Cindrich

And the process on the receiving side can be extremely emotionally and financially draining. "It's an emotional process," says Sue Slotnick of Short Hills, N.J., who is serving her second year as president of her local RESOLVE chapter, a non-profit infertility support network with more than 10,000 members across the U.S. Slotnick adds that sometimes, finding the right donor is less about what a child might look like and more about becoming a family. "The real goal is to become parents," she says.

But why not special order a baby's qualities? Why not give a child the best chance to have 20/20 vision, a high SAT score or a body fit for professional sports? Perhaps the reason is that there are no guarantees. Even with donors who boast of a clear health history, beautiful features and a healthy lifestyle cannot assure that Mother Nature won't throw a surprise their way.

Of course, it's also a fact that the well being of a baby isn't solely based on genetic code. Nurture vs. nature is a regular squabble between scientists, parenting experts and parents themselves, and it is certainly recognized that environment weighs in heavily on the health, intelligence, success and happiness of a child. Even though $15,000 can get you sperm from an champion athlete, it can't guarantee a starting position on the high school football team without years of coaching and parental support. And while buying the ovum of a valedictorian may give a child a better aptitude for algebra, she'll never get into Princeton without the encouragement and loving care of a conscientious parent. And loving care is what most egg and sperm recipients are eager to give.

Want to see more?

• Ending Infertility Treatment: Coming to Terms With Not Becoming a Biological Parent
• Family Building for Gay and Lesbian Parents
• Donor Egg & Sperm: A Family-Building Alternative for the Infertile
• Talk about it!