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Home › Articles › Alternative Family Building › My Daughter Is in China

My Daughter Is in China

Adopting After Infertility

By Michele St. Martin

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I was in my mid-30s (ironically, the time when a woman's fertility begins to significantly decline) when I took notice of my biological clock ticking. All of a sudden the ambivalence became baby lust! For the first time, I could really imagine being someone's mother. I still wasn't totally "there," but I was now pretty sure that if "Mr. Right" came along, a baby might not be far behind.

One thing I knew for sure was that I didn't want to be a single parent. My mother was one, though not by choice; my father was killed in a car accident when I was 8 years old and my younger sister was 3. Mom was a wonderful parent. But she did it alone, and I knew that carrying that kind of load by myself wasn't for me. I respected the right of others to make this choice, but it wasn't the right choice for me. If I was going to do this, I needed help – someone else to share both the load and the joys.

Because of my decision not to be a single parent by choice, I was able to put off the final decision about having a child or children until, in my late 30s, I met the man who would become my life partner. By this time, my priorities were different, and so were my dreams. As soon as we became serious about each other, I knew that I wantedto have a child or maybe even two!


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