Domestic Adoption

Building a Family

By Michele St. Martin

Vicki and Mark Baker's adoption of Joe is, according to Vicki, a closed adoption in that they do not have back-and-forth contact with Joe's birth mother. However, they do update her on Joe's life and since she chose them and is a family friend, she knows who they are. We send her quarterly letters and pictures, along with a copy of his end-of-the-year school report," says Vicki.

Tami and Kris Davis' adoption of Alex is an open adoption. "With the help of our agency, we created a contract with Alex's birth parents regarding communication," says Tami. "By the terms of the contract, we sent letters and photos at 1 month, and then 3, 6, 9 and 12 months for the first year. After the first year we are required to send photos and letters twice a year." The contract also includes a yearly visit to Alex's birth parents.

"Even though we are required to send letters and photos only twice a year now, we still send them every few months," says Tami. "We enjoy writing to Alex's birth parents." Tami and Kris hear from Alex's birth mother, but not his birth father. "There wasn't much time to get to know Alex's birth parents before he was born. Since then, we have had a pretty good relationship with his birth mom. She is a wonderful young woman, and we care a lot about her."

Fear of the birth mother changing her mind is a major concern in domestic adoptions. "I don't think there is an adoptive parent who doesn't have that worry," says Tami. "YES!" echoes Vicki. "Especially since we knew [the birth mother], she knew where we lived, and she knows my family."

While the adoption isn't recorded until the mother relinquishes her legal rights, and many changes of heart do occur before this happens, the fears of these women did not come true.

Sara's new son, Josh, was free for adoption due to termination of his birth parents' parental rights. Since their rights had been terminated, the county was Josh's guardian until he was adopted into the Chase family.

Want to see more?

• Ending Infertility Treatment: Coming to Terms With Not Becoming a Biological Parent
• Adoption: Where Do I Start? A National Adoption Information Clearinghouse Fact Sheet
• Foster Care and Adoption for Waiting Children: A Question and Answer From the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse
• Talk about it!