Domestic Adoption

Building a Family

By Michele St. Martin

Many people who choose adoption to build their families do so after a diagnosis of infertility. Others who are not infertile choose adoption to build a family or to add to their existing families.

According to adoption and infertility educator Patricia Irwin Johnston, there are several completely separate decisions to be made, one at a time, after careful research and reflection:

1. To adopt at all.
2. Whether to adopt an infant or an older child.
3. The relative health of the child.
4. Whether to adopt domestically or internationally.
5. Whether to use an agency or adopt independently.
6. What degree of communication one wants with the child's birth family.

These decisions must be made separately, but not necessarily in this order.

Adoption was something that Vicki and Mark Baker had always planned on they even discussed adoption when they were dating. Vicki, 34, and Mark, 37, of Gladstone, Oregon were diagnosed with unexplained infertility. Their treatment included six Clomid cycles (three of them with intrauterine insemination or IUI) and six cycles of injectible fertility medications with IUI. All 12 cycles failed. They decided to end treatment. "When infertility kept us from achieving a biological child, it was easy to decide on adoption," Vicki says.

Like the Bakers, Tami and Kris Davis of Washington State were also diagnosed with unexplained infertility. Tami, now 36, was 33 when she and her husband, Kris, underwent testing to learn the cause of their infertility. Everything looked fine, Tami says. They tried one cycle each of in-vitro fertilization (IVF) and IUI. Both cycles failed. Tami and Kris were in treatment for infertility for about a year before they ended treatment and moved on to adoption.

Sara Chase of San Francisco had two biological children, 9-year-old boy and girl twins. While talking one night about their family, Sara asked the children what they'd think about bringing another child into the family. Her daughter quickly agreed, but her son needed time to think about it. One day he said, "Mom, I'd like a little brother, just not a baby brother." As Sara and her children talked, they decided that adopting a younger school-age child was the right choice.

Want to see more?

• Ending Infertility Treatment: Coming to Terms With Not Becoming a Biological Parent
• Adoption: Where Do I Start? A National Adoption Information Clearinghouse Fact Sheet
• Foster Care and Adoption for Waiting Children: A Question and Answer From the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse
• Talk about it!