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All I Want for Christmas Is a Baby
Infertility During the Holidays
By Michele St. Martin
For those who are experiencing infertility, the pain of longing for a child is especially acute during the holiday season. Society bombards us with messages about families and children: A long line of adorably dressed children line up to see Santa; silver ornaments boast "Baby's First Christmas"; children's Hanukkah books line store windows; and oh, those sentimental television commercials!
"Over the river and through the woods, to grandmother's house we go..." The infertile woman hearing this familiar refrain wonders if she will ever be a mother, let alone a grandmother. Will she ever have a child to whom she can sing holiday songs?
What is it really like to experience this constant emphasis on a part of life you desperately want and may never have?
"Holidays are a time for family, and they can be such a painful reminder that after trying for so long, you still don't have one," says Suzy of Missoula, Mont., who has been trying to have a baby for four years. After a failed in vitro fertilization (IVF) cycle in August, Suzy is now awaiting the results of a frozen embryo transfer.
Allow yourself to feel sad, deprived or depressed. Infertility is a major life crisis and you are entitled to those feelings. Talk with each other about your feelings. Your spouse may be able to help you through the rough times.
Mary Casey Jacob, Ph.D., of the University of Connecticut Medical School's infertility program, has been helping patients cope with the stresses of infertility for 10 years. Jacob agrees that the holiday season is family oriented and encourages couples to accept that. She points out that Christmas is about a pregnant woman and a birth.
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