quick clicks

preconception articles

preconception q&a

message boards

research baby names

prepare a birth plan

content channels

ip channel rss feeds

read birth stories

read parenting stories

recommended books

e-newsletters

safety recalls

ip diaries

ip store

mom of the month

dad of the month

editor's letter

letters to the editor

The Art and Science of Child Spacing

How Far Apart Should Siblings Be?

Sal, 29, has two daughters who are 7 years apart. "In some ways it works fine," she says. "My oldest is much more help and better appreciates having a sibling. But it's also bad, because the little one messes with the older one's stuff, and the older one gets tired of being 'big sister helper.' They are on very different play levels."

If children are separated by a decade or more, they can grow up not feeling like siblings. "My sister is 11 years older than I, and she was more like a babysitter to me," says Ellie, 43. "I never intended to do the same thing to my own kids, but it happened. My oldest is 21, and she moved out last year when her brother was 9. They barely know each other." But she concedes that having a permanent babysitter was a big help when her son was an infant.

Spacing children more than a decade apart usually involves some risk – as mom gets older, the risk of miscarriage and certain birth defects increases. But if you begin your family in your early twenties, you can plan on large gaps between children without much risk.

Bear in mind that Mother Nature doesn't always go along with your plans for child spacing. Like so many things in parenting, it's important to stay flexible and welcome each new child into your home with love.

Want to see more?

• One and Only: Is One Child Enough?
• Maybe Another Baby: Are You Ready
• I Want Another, He Doesn't: 3 Steps to Coping
• Talk about it!