Pregnancy After Loss

Are You Ready to Try Again?

By Julia Rosien

"Reassess your life and make a specific game plan on what you can do to actively help prepare your body and mind for another pregnancy," Luminare-Rosen says. It's not about judging, blaming or shaming. "Feel your grief and find ways to reframe the experience so you can move forward."

"I was eager to get pregnant again right away," Vincent says. "After I recovered from surgery and dealt with my anemia, I became proactive, taking my temperature daily and trying to conceive in a very methodical way. I needed time to recover physically from very traumatic surgery, and my soul also needed time to heal, but I desperately wanted a baby."

After her ectopic pregnancy and two healthy babies, Vincent thought her family was complete. When another pregnancy caught her by surprise at age 41, with two teenagers and a thriving midwifery practice to juggle, she was ambivalent. But when the pregnancy ended in miscarriage she fell into a deep depression. "I cut everyone off, lost weight and lived by connecting the dots of everyday tasks," she says.

Three months after the miscarriage, she still found it impossible to get through a day without at least one meltdown into misery. "My husband and I fought, discussed and reasoned, even though having a baby is 100 percent emotional," Vincent says. They agreed to try for four months, and if she didn't get pregnant, they would stop. "I think I got pregnant 10 minutes later."