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Pregnancy After Loss
Are You Ready to Try Again?
By Julia Rosien
Fertility issues drag couples through a smorgasbord of highs and lows after a miscarriage. Secondary infertility (a medical term used for couples who experience infertility only after a successful pregnancy or miscarriage) shocks couples who don't anticipate problems when they decide to try again. "You have, at best, a 20 percent chance of conceiving in any given menstrual cycle," Douglas says. "If you're still feeling emotionally fragile, it may be too soon to jump back into the fire again."
"It's important to go into a subsequent pregnancy with your eyes wide open," Douglas says. The next pregnancy may not result in 2 a.m. feedings, and couples should consider all possible outcomes of a subsequent pregnancy. "The worry doesn't end when you conceive," Douglas says. "The next 40 weeks could be the most stressful, nerve-wracking time of your life."
"I think every mother who chooses to attempt a subsequent pregnancy will find the next nine months difficult and needs support," says Meira Saks, who has experienced five miscarriages, one infant death and is the mother of five living children. Saks and her husband eagerly took the plunge after each loss, believing having a baby after a loss helped them to heal and trust in the promise of life again.
The entire nine months may feel like a roller coaster ride of emotions. However, for most women, assing through each milestone helps break down the waiting and makes it more manageable. Some women heave a sigh of relief after the first trimester, then the first ultrasound. Passing the anniversary of their previous pregnancy's end also helps put that chapter away and make room for optimism. "I didn't dare hope," says Vincent of her subsequent pregnancy after her ectopic pregnancy. "I bought no baby clothes and made no plans, wouldn't discuss names and just tried to pretend I wasn't pregnant."
