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I Want Another Child, He Doesn't

3 Steps to Coping

By Lisa A. Goldstein

As you think about your desire to have another child, make sure that your reasons are valid ones. Wade and Kovacs list "iffy" reasons to have another child, like wanting another playmate for your existing child, wanting a child of another sex or even worrying that time is running out for you. Unhealthy reasons for having another child are pressure from family and friends, a tax deduction, religion, saving your marriage or feeling like your life is without meaning if you don't have another child.

If you're not making any progress through discussions, it's time to seek outside help. Finding the right counselor for this specific problem is important, say Wade and Kovacs. They advocate the use of a licensed professional, such as a marriage or family therapist, nurse psychotherapist, clinical social worker or a clinical psychologist. If your spouse refuses to go to therapy, there is high probability of no change, say Wade ad Kovacs.

But Susan Fletcher, Ph.D., a parenting expert, says you can always go alone. "Even though it is a marital issue, a person going to therapy on [his or her] own can benefit from talking about the disappointment," she says.

Having another child despite one person being adamantly against it is the wrong way to resolve this situation. "It doesn't tend to be true that a person will get used to the idea after a baby is born," says Fletcher. "Anyone who is forced into a major decision will run the risk of vacillating back and forth, creating a lot of instability in a marriage." You could also end up resenting the child, Wade and Kovacs say.

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• Talk about it!